Going All The Way

The anticipation.  The foreplay (if there isn’t foreplay, I’m not going all the way, but that’s just me).  The waiting.  Are you sure?  Now?  There?  RIGHT THERE, OH GOD YES THERE.

I’m one of those people who loves foreplay.  I get that sometimes you just need to get down to the business of a good fuck, but most of the time?  Let’s play around before we go there, you do me, I do you, before we do each other (I am SO sorry to my parents if you’re reading this, but shit, I’m almost 40, and this is a blog that is kind of about a sex magazine)

So this new issue of Cosmo showed up, and it had many covers.  One that was an ad for shampoo, then various covers of Jessica Alba.  The headlines? SEX MOVES: Awaken Your Force, Light His Saber!; and then some shit about her figuring out who she is.

I don’t know about you, but while I’m happy for Jess that she’s figured out who she is and feels more grounded?  I could not fucking care less.  So back to those sex moves.that turn sex into Star Wars. Note: I will admit that I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but I’d wear the gold bikini for the right guy.

Okay, so this article is about foreplay and making out.  Different kinds of kisses.  I’m too fucking old for this.  If you want to give a great BJ though (says Cosmo)?  Flick your tongue along his frenulum, whatever that is (if you’re my age and can’t give a good BJ, well . . . ).  This article also talks about low circles toward your clitoris (doesn’t mention that you may have to tell him where it is, and I’m not insulting men here – if he’s not already sure?  SHOW HIM WHERE IT IS)

Hold up.  That’s it?  The next article is about the woman’s “right to come last.”

I think I missed the ways I can “light his saber.”

Okay, so let’s find our happy place.  Front page says “Instant Bliss Anytime, Anywhere”

I can’t even with this.  It’s things that make you figure out what kind of person and then identify your activity.  Nope.

Things to note: light his saber by giving a blow job – can’t hurt.  Have him light yours by going down on you.- show him what you like if he’s not hitting it.


XOXO~ elm













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